I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
