I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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