so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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