you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
