He is such a slut. More and more my type.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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