I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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