I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
