The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
