Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
