Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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