Walk of Shame. In a state park.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
