dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
