shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
