Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize