I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
