This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My Sexting was not on an AP level
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize