I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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