WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
