I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
