I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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