8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I am available for nakedness
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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