Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
