I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
