There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
