Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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