girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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