We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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