oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
