i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
