I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
