i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
