omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
