My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You need Xanax blowdarts
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
