He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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