Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
