honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
