So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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