Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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