ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize