I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
