you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
