Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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