His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
