You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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