Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
