you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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