Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
