No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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