Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
