i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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