You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
She just used a chaser for red wine.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
