You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
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