she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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