Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
