He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
