Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize