I'm lost and stupid without you.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize