It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
