Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
