i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
