wat bout pragnant strippers??
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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