I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
