3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
