That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
