I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
