Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
