I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
When did angry sex become our thing?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
