she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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